100 Short Funny Nurse Retirement Quotes

Having been surrounded by nurses throughout my life and seeing the grit, passion, and relentless humor they carry, I felt inspired to create a list that does justice to their spirit even as they hang up their scrubs. 

Here are 100 short and funny nurse retirement quotes that will make you laugh and smile! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

“I’ve traded in my stethoscope for a fishing pole!”

“No more alarms, only alarm clocks!”

“Goodbye tension, hello pension!”

“From RN to R&R!”

“I’m done with the night shifts; now every shift is a nightgown shift!”

“Nurse: One of the few professions where you can’t fake it till you make it. Happy Retirement!”

“Traded scrubs for pajamas!”

“From nurse to purse shopper!”

“Done with charts, on to arts!”

“I’ve given all my patience to my patients.”

“Swapped the thermometer for a wine-ometer!”

“I might be retired, but I’ll always be a nurse at heart!”

“From vital signs to vacation signs!”

“Retired, but my nursing humor is still on duty!”

“Swapped IVs for RVs!”

“I’m now taking appointments for naps!”

“Finally, my only ‘patient’ is my husband/wife!”

“No more call bells, only dinner bells now!”

“Band-aids to beach days, here I come!”

“Goodbye, Nurse’s Station. Hello, Vacation!”

“My new kind of ‘shot’ comes in a glass!”

“From CPR to VIP!”

“Hang up the scrubs; it’s time for clubs (golf, that is)!”

“I’ve officially retired from being tired!”

“No more codes, just dress codes!”

“Prescribing myself a lifetime of fun!”

“Bye-bye, flu shots. Hello, tequila shots!”

“I can’t keep calm; I’m a retired nurse!”

“Bedpans to beach tans!”

“The only blood pressure I’m checking now is mine after a spicy meal!”

“From checking pulses to pool pulses!”

“This nurse needs just one more patient – and it’s a margarita!”

“From hospital rooms to cruise ship rooms!”

“Retired from nursing, but still diagnosing family from afar!”

“The only charting I’m doing now is planning my travels.”

“Took off the gloves for good!”

“Nurse mode: OFF!”

“From meds to bed… all day!”

“Shifted from nurse life to best life!”

“Goodbye nurse’s notes, hello travel quotes!”

“Syringes to sangrias!”

“The only shots I’m giving now are from a bottle!”

“I left the ICU for the BBQ!”

“No more scrubs, just tubs (and bubbles)!”

“Beepless nights, here I come!”

“My new uniform is a swimsuit!”

“Healing hands are now tanning hands!”

“This nurse is off duty forever!”

“Went from the ER to being a star!”

“Checked out from checking in!”

“More time for wine, less for vital signs!”

“I used to save lives, now I savor them!”

“No more night shifts for this old lifter of spirits!”

“From patient care to self-care!”

“I used to be a nurse, now I’m a full-time sunshine chaser!”

“From scrubs to beach clubs!”

“Shift’s over… permanently!”

“Nurse by day, retiree by… always!”

“Hanging up my white shoes for good!”

“My next patient is relaxation.”

“Out of the ward and into the world!”

“No more poking, just joking!”

“Goodbye clinicals, hello tropicals!”

“No more 12-hour shifts, just 24-hour fun!”

“Traded the med cart for a golf cart!”

“Clocked out forever!”

“I’m no longer taking temperatures, unless it’s the pool’s!”

“Swapped my white coat for a beach tote!”

“My retirement plan? No alarm clocks!”

“Out of service, enter at your own risk!”

“Giving up needles for novels!”

“From administering meds to sipping reds!”

“I’ve been called to the lounge chair!”

“From a life of scrubs to beachside pubs!”

“Ditching the clinic for the scenic!”

“Healing others to healing myself with laughter!”

“I’ve retired from nursing, but I still have the ‘sick’ sense of humor!”

“The nurse is out, indefinitely!”

“Now the only pressure I deal with is in my tires!”

“Traded in my badge for a beach bag!”

“I’m all about the leisurely vitals now.”

“From patient rounds to playgrounds!”

“No more medicine, just merriment!”

“I’ve checked out of the clinic and into the spa!”

“Went from saving lives to savoring wines!”

“The only thing I’m lifting now is my spirits!”

“Closed for the season… and the next… and the next!”

“I’m on a permanent coffee break!”

“The only emergencies I handle now involve running out of snacks!”

“Now I only take orders from my pets!”

“I’ve put my nurse’s cap in the nostalgia box!”

“I’ve given my last shot, now I’m calling the shots!”

“Traded hospital corners for beach corners!”

“Time’s up! Nurse clocked out for good!”

“Swapping the syringe for a sundae!”

“I’ve signed off from signing off!”

“From health care to just… don’t care!”

“Now, I only take one type of patient: a cold beverage!”

“Pills to picnics, that’s the retirement way!”

“I used to dispense medication, now I dispense relaxation!”


Nurses bring so much laughter and care into our lives. I made this list thinking of the amazing nurses in my family and all around.

I hope these quotes gave you a good laugh. To all the nurses, whether still working or enjoying retirement, thank you and keep smiling!

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